


Jerk

by iKONIC_ggukie



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, High School, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm Sorry, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 12:53:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16118888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iKONIC_ggukie/pseuds/iKONIC_ggukie
Summary: idk, im bad at summaries





	Jerk

**Author's Note:**

> im really sorry, mayhaps i cried as i wrote this

*Song Yunhyeong POV* 

_Drop it, I miss you_  
_Every night and day_  
_Every time and every second_  
_If you ever loved somebody_  
_Put your hands in the air_  
_If you ever missed somebody_  
_Put your hands in the air_

Let's start by clarifying why I miss him, I miss him because he had a beautiful aura, everything about him was beautiful, his flaws too, but his eyes were the ones that attracted me. There was something inside of them that I fell in love with, when he smiled, his eyes shone just before they closed into a crescent shape. But there is something I can never forget, I will never stop thinking about his eyes just before they lost that shine I loved so much, all because of me ...

_I was so young, though I’m still young now_  
_I was really young back then and your heart was too soft_  
_I was immature and I twisted your beautiful flower_  
_I had so much greed, in the end you withered away_  
_You waited and waited for my heart_  
_I said I’d give it to you but_  
_I didn’t know how I really felt_  
_I’m regretting it now but let me just tell you one thing_  
_It was love_

When we studied together in high school, we were polar opposites, he was quiet, shy, and so, so smart. I was the boy who was always in trouble, with few friends, most of the school did not want to have problems with me nor my friends. I always thought that the power I had over others made me happy, until I met him. When I saw him enter late for the first time, I couldn't help but notice his eyes and think how beautiful they were. I used my grades as an excuse to talk to him, I asked him if he could be my tutor and he accepted. I went to his house every afternoon after school to study, but I never paid much attention to the book, my attention was always on him.

I thought I was falling in love with him but I didn't want to accept it, I had never fallen in love before, without thinking I pushed him away from me, he approached me when I was with my friends to talk and I laughed at him, telling him horrible things so he would leave. I always laughed along with my friends but inside I was dying, dying because I always noticed the tears that slid down his cheeks, I will never forgive myself for making those beautiful eyes cry. 

I was too young and stupid to realize that I was pushing him further and further away from me, it hurts me to know that he waited until I got tired of my stupid antiques. I was so selfish, I always promised to give my love when we were alone, and I never gave it to him, nor can I give it to him now. I didn't know what to do or what to feel at the time, now I'm sorry, but I swear it was love...

_Tears fall when I try to understand your pain_  
_When I call out your name and become so small_  
_Times you were by my side without a word_  
_Now it finally comes and pierces my heart_

 _I’m the jerk_  
_Because you’re a good girl_  
_I’m the jerk_  
_Because you’re the nice girl_

I cry when trying to understand his pain, the pain that I caused, I won't lie to you, there were days when I still wanted to call him but I couldn't, hesh happy now, living his best life, and I'm still alone, and alone I will stay because nobody will fill me with as much happiness as Chanwoo inco did. I was the jerk, I am the jerk because he was too good to me. He was always there when I needed him the most, even though I was not there with him. Always in silence, always by my side, always with me. Now that I realize how much I hurt him, it hurts me, it hurts me because he didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve to cry about what I did to him.

_Because even my garbage personality_  
_And my worthless moments_  
_You accepted it all_  
_So I have nothing to say_

He always accepted me as I was, with my horrible personality, my way of being, and the piece of trash that I was for a person, he always accepted and loved me as no one had ever done, and I didn't know how to take advantage of it.

I have nothing more to say than sorry. Sorry for everything, sorry for hurting you and making you cry, sorry for laughing at you and saying things that weren't true. Sorry.

_You’ll snap out of it only if I’m not here_  
_But when I snapped out of it, you weren’t here_  
_You said things out of habit but I just scoffed_  
_I took you for granted_  
_From the beginning, I only knew myself_  
_When butterflies turned into comfort_  
_I thought love was just attachment_  
_When friendships were more important than attachment_  
_I wanted to break up_  
_But even in this song_  
_I’m talking about you_  
_Hoping that you’ll listen_

He knew that what I made him feel wasn't right, but only when I wasn't present, if I was with him, he didn't care how I treated him, he never complained, always allowing himself to be humiliated. But when I realized it was wrong, it was too late, he was no longer with me. I remember he told me many things that were unusual coming from him, they were things that he had never told me before so I ignored him, thinking he was playing. I scoffed and underestimated him, I always thought of myself. My friends began to notice my liking towards him and they made fun of me, my friends were all I had, I couldn't lose them, so I pushed him further away from me. I ended our relationship and I stopped speak to him, but even when I tell you this, I keep thinking about him, hoping for him to hear it.

**Jung Chanwoo,**  
**I'm sorry, sorry to push you away from me when you needed me most, you probably won't see this anymore, but if my calculations are correct, you're still alive. I want you to know that I never stostop loving you, there was not a day when I didn't think about you, I love you, Chanwoo, with my entire soul. If you are reading this, it is too late, and I have died, but I love you. I never forgot you, I wanted to find you but you were happy with someone else, I wish you happiness for the rest of your life. With love,**  
**-Song Yunhyeong**

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry !!! please don't kill me but you can go yell at me on twt
> 
> @basicbobbii


End file.
